If I Can’t Have You by Charlotte Levin has been on my TBR for a while and the orange cover with newsletter paper cut out anonymous letters is perfect for this category.

What it’s about?

Samuel, the day we met I knew I’d finally found what I’ve been waiting for.

You.

Happiness, at last.

Then you left me.

And now I am alone.

Everyone I love leaves in the end.

But not this time.

I’m not giving up on us.

I’m not giving up on you.

When you love someone, you never let them go.

That’s why for me, this is just beginning.

What I think:

If I Can’t Have You turned out to be one of my favourite reads of the year.

This is a dark and tense and from the first page there is a building sense of dread.

Constance falls in love with Samuel. He is the doctor and she is the receptionist. There’s a power imbalance in their relationship from the beginning. They keep their affair secret, and then Samuel ends it.

For him, it was just an unimportant fling, for Constance it was so much more. And she is not ready to let go.

What I found so compelling about this book is that there are no clear victims and villains. Both Sam and Constance are at once unlikeable and sympathetic.

Constance is a heartbreakingly real chatacter. She is a roller coaster of emotions. She is hurt and angry, and the world has not been a kind place. The story of her childhood and the way she has been treated by men have left Constance damaged and vulnerable. Samuel represents a better life; money and respectability and love.

For Samuel, who is rich and entitled, Constance is just some fun. She is convenient sex. He quickly gets bored and moves on. His pattern of behaviour repeats itself and he does not care about the damage he does.

There are some twists and surprises along the way.

This is utterly compelling. It’s dark and obsessive, and the writing is perfect. A great read.